But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
