I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
someone owes me an orgasm
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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