Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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