Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
