Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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