Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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