you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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