Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
