I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she peed on how many people?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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