you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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