hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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