I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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