The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
