just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
