I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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