I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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