i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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