I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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