Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
