you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
