I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
