evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
