Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
