So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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