He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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