Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
