Jerry, you need to find god
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
