We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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