I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
