so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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