Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
