1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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