Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
