does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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