i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
