Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Couch. On fire.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
