UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
