why didn't you poke me back
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
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My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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