literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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