i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Randomize
