:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
