I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
