i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
