She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
