So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
