we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You did what with his pubic hair?
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