I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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