On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
