awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
