Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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