This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
