Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
