Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
