Jerry, you need to find god
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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