so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
