Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
