After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
