Where did you get a picture of my penis
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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