Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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