Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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