I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
