My first STD was from a foam party
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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