Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
