how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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