I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
