I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
