I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
