I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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