youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
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My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
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YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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