She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
