just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
