I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He shit in the fireplace
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
