Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
