you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
