i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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